You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
