worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
