if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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