i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
