So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
