i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
