ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
