I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i've created a new STD.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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