the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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