You really coming over, don't trick.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
