I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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