hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
