you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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