I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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