bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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