my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
