I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
