Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
