ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
