I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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