Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
