Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
