I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
