The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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