The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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