Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
