so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I could fuck to npr.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
