Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
