no, he came in my armpit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
