i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
