apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
