Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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