HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
