I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
