Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
