I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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