I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
me + whiskey = a bad person
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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