is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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