So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
