I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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