I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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