OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
