I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
