When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
