It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
