Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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