remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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