U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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