my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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