i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
