Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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