he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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