Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
